I'd done everything right; everything I read about.
My phone was on silent and out of sight. I found a great instrumental playlist to stream through my noise-cancelling headphones. I had my notepad within reach for quickly jotting down ideas; my browser tabs were closed. My workspace was clean and tidy. Glass of water nearby. No one home. It was quiet. I had chosen something important to work on.
But still...
I couldn't focus.
I was... distracted.
How could this be? There wasn't anything in my environment to distract me. I'd made sure of it. No shiny objects, nothing pulling at my attention.
I sat for awhile thinking about what was going on. No one explained what to do next.
So I decided to close my eyes. And just listen.
To the quiet enveloping me. Nothing there.
To my body. Right hip is a little uncomfortable as I sit in this position but nothing too unusual.
To my mind. Also nothing seemingly out of the ordinary. Just the usual cacophony of random thoughts scurrying around.
But I decide to wait here and listen a bit longer. Sure enough, I hear a whisper. About that conversation I had with my partner earlier that morning. The one where she said something that didn't sit right with me but because I was in a rush I didn't speak up. The comment that she'd made before. The one I didn't like.
And so here I am, all decked out for distraction-free deep work, and I can't do it. Because the distraction is coming from inside the house. Inside me. And this was not something I anticipated nor was prepared for.
My phone I could put on silent. But my mind? Good luck.
At that moment I came to understand that the majority of distraction isn't external.
It's not you, it's me.
It's the thoughts, feelings, and impulses that arise without my consent and inevitably fade away without as much as a goodbye.
To truly master distraction and the deep life, I'd need to put my focus on this.
